Koko Pimentel Removes Koko Krunch Off The Shelves; Pichay Blames Everybody Except His Mother

Disappointed that not even years of clever subliminal advertising could win him a Senate seat, Koko Pimentel recently ordered thousands of boxes of Koko Krunch breakfast cereals taken off supermarket shelves. If not even the subtle resemblance of the breakfast cereal's character to his own face could endear him to the hearts of voters, Koko said during a press conference, then screw this country.

"From now on, I will deny thousands of Filipinos who actually can afford to eat breakfast the pleasure of eating Koko Krunch.”

When pressed about the future of Koko Krunch, Koko Pimentel said they're not completely killing the product. "We're just considering changing it into something more effective, like Koko's Balls, because balls are so hot right now.”

Meanwhile, Prospero Pichay is considering suing his advertising agency for coming up with the stupid "Itanim sa Senado" campaign. Pichay said that although "Pangarap ko, tuparin ang pangarap mo" bullshit was brilliant, he thought his own creation, "Pichay, isaksak sa baga ng Senado" would have given him a better chance of winning. Instead, his not-thinking-out-of-the-box handlers insisted in adopting the ever-corny "Itanim sa Senado" slogan. Hence, his tremendous loss.

"Anak ng puta, sinong gagong taga-syudad ang boboto sa akin sa itanim, itanim na iyan. Sa mga magsasaka lang at marijuana planters bumenta iyan e. Pati yung mga mascot na ginamit namin, hindi naman nakakatuwa yung mga yun e. Kung si Doraemon ginamit namin, patok sana. Tutal kamukha ko naman yun," Pichay fumed during a tete-a-tete with Amay Bisaya at Cafe Lawton.

You may remember that Pichay's "Pangarap ko, tuparin ang pangarap mo" inspired tambays and common kriminals everywhere to come up with their own versions, like the following:

Smelly kid: Pangarap ko, makakain ng hotcake. Kahit one bite lang.

"Pagpag" hotcake street vendor: Pangarap ko, tuparin ang pangarap mo!

Underpaid construction worker: Pangarap ko, makatagpo ng mumurahing babaeng mayayari.

60-year-old Doroteo Jose prostitute: Pangarap ko, tuparin ang pangarap mo!

Senior high school student: Pangarap ko, makabili ng isang bloke ng jutes sa presyong abot ng allowance ko.

Marijuana dealer: Pangarap ko, tuparin ang pangarap mo!

Manileno: Pangarap ko, magdilim at maging grabeng boring at corny ulit ang Maynila.

Alfredo Lim: Pangarap ko, tuparin ang pangarap mo!